Empathy, and then what?
Actor and director Gabriel Ashton Brown reflects on the hard and necessary next step to the age-old saying "Put yourself in someone else's shoes."
I’m honored to have my friend, Gabriel Ashton Brown, contribute this lovely piece for The Faction, in which she shares what empathy, in its truest form, requires of us. It has the power to transform those we consider our enemies into friends and neighbors. It “rehumanizes” those we deem less than human—either by our own actions or labels, or their own. Please enjoy this read, along with its audio accompaniment, voiced by the author herself.
Kimi
Growing up, my mum would leave me little love notes in my shoes before I headed off to catch the school bus every morning. Each one, a thoughtful reminder to listen, be a friend to someone today, and know how loved I was. They did the trick! I was a fiercely self-assured and confident little girl, and was often paired with new students to help introduce them to their new environments and to meet new friends. It helped too, that I knew how to invite others in because I had studied abroad and was therefore familiar with the experience of an “outsider”.
Then I moved to Northern Virginia, and I dealt with my first bullies; The first people my own age who did not want to be friends; they wanted me to stay an outsider. They came in the form of a group of 4th grade girls, who teased me over my reading skills and excluded me ad nauseam. I was utterly foreign to the cattiness of girls at this age, the necessary curation of female cruelty, and came home crying often.
In these times, my mum's notes meant more than ever. They gave me the encouragement to move forward in my studies, keep positive, and look for friends in other classmates. Through those notes, my mother was putting herself into my shoes, boosting me and reminding me to be good and to look for new solutions.
We're all familiar with the saying "put yourself in someone else's shoes" and its meaning: to understand someone, you must view the world from their perspective. It's the best way we can empathize with others on a uniquely human level, recognizing that there is no way to actually experience the life of someone other than ourselves.
The way I’ve made sense of it, my mothers little love notes are the next step of this saying (pun intended). My mother was not being bullied, but she could see how I was and learn about my experience. And then, with that understanding, she took actions to empower me. She understood me well enough to know how to help me.
And that's the key. What you do once you've put yourself in someone else's shoes.
After attempting to understand, how does your approach differ? It can be difficult to empathize with those we love, so it must be a battle to empathize with those we distrust. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't try.
Looking back, I wonder if now these girls can even recall their own cruelty. I wonder too, if any of them needed support at that time. Would they have teased me less if they had known how hurt I felt? Who else was picked on in my 4th grade class that I didn't notice? What did my teacher observe?
Is there someone in your life who could benefit from understanding? Yes.
We are all deserving of understanding. The bullies and the bullied.
It's in our own interest to look for the similarities between the bullies and the bullied, instead of focusing on the differences. If we choose to humanize them, we can become human to them too. But it starts with one person.
Be the person who wants to understand.
It might even be worth your time to remind someone of their worth, today. Give them a piece of your strength by writing them a little note of encouragement. Your bit of courage can be stretched out farther than you realize. Do not let some inner critic tell you that it's silly, unnoticed, or a waste of time. No. Compliment them, thank them, remind them of why we get up and put our shoes on every day. Invite them, introduce them to your perspective, and if you can, empower them.
It is the little things that are remembered.
Gabriel Ashton Brown takes a pro-human approach to voice acting, acting, and directing, believing that everyone has a worthwhile story that deserves to be heard and retold. With half a decade of stage & film directing up her sleeve, and over ten years of professional performance expertise, she understands how to analyze a text, how to gracefully take direction, and how to resuscitate a script with sturdy bones into a fully-fleshed, natural human voice. Gabriel's voice is heartfelt with a lively edge, warm but confident and clear, and feels like sharing a cuppa tea with an old friend. She's "unshakably playful, honestly here." Here for you and to hear you. Hear more at gabrielashtonbrown.com | @g.a.b.vo | gabrielashtonbrown.director@gmail.com
Many thanks to Gabriel for this thoughtful piece.
As someone said, "the nice thing about pretending to care is that then I don't have to understand anything."